The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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