I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
