I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
