so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
