I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
