Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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