I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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