Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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