life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
