glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
