I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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