Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize