thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
