I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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