Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
