Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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