Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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