He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
