I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
