Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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