I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
