i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
