Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
