She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
