someone get that fucking seahorse.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
