Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
