duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
