Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
