Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I want to be your penis for a week.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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