Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
