um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
