Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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