Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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