All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
