just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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