a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize