So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
