Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Green mimosas i think yes
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize