Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
