saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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