Don't make out with my wife yet
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
