i think my tv is drunk
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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