At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
