i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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