I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
