It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
