No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
