You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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