Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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