Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
