I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize