I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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