Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
