I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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