New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
