the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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