I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
