I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
