So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize