Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
