I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
