sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
