she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
